Saviour
by babybel
Summary: CRIMBO ALERT! Starts off last year and tracks one colleagues progress through her depression. Ends with a christmas confession from one fellow officerxxxxxx
1. A sea of me

**Saviour**

**Chapter 1**

**A sea of me**

Christmas 2005 

The razor falls to the floor as a sea of blood cascades out of her wounded body. Slowly she falls into a sleep, her head tipping back as every fragment of her body loosens up. She's fading now, lying on the floor secretly pleading for help among all of the pain; nobody said it would take this long.

The door opens and voices can be heard, they don't see her lying helpless on the floor but it is evident something has happened as the blood seeps out from the cubicle.

A few of them stand around too afraid to open the door until Gina pushes through them. The door swings open to reveal her lying there, stone cold. In a panic someone informs CAD and an ambulance is on its way, but is it too late?

Supporting the lifeless body that lays before her she mutters words to her encouraging her to stay awake but its too late.

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Meanwhile in the canteen sipping his tea carefully Smithy sits with Kezia, she appears to be flustered and he can't calm her down.

Honey rushes in as fast as she can avoiding every mobile object that walks her way. Stopping dead at Smithy's table she speaks,

"Smithy, Gina needs you urgently"

"Where is she? And what's up?" he replies, not taking a blind bit of notice. Smithy was sure that since Gina found him and Kezia in her office she would put him through days of endless bum wiping and paperwork and it looked as if it was coming true.

"Girls locker room and you'll see when you get there" She said in an agitated state before following him in there.

Before preceding into the room he turned to Honey and said with raised eyebrows,

"I hope this is something important and its not some sort of concoction between you and Inspector Gold"

"Smithy its Kerry" she said, before walking into the room.

Smithy stood there rooted to the spot; if Kerry needed help surely he was the last person she would want it from.

As soon as he saw her he went white, why on earth would she do this?

"Don't just stand their Smithy help me! I need another towel this one is covered in blood." She shouted.

Handing her the towel he crouched down towards her body, he wanted to hold her hand and tell her it would be all right but he didn't know if it would be.

Emotions kept running through his mind, feelings of hurt, guilt and pain for her. He desperately wanted to go with her to hospital but Gina had decided that it was a bad idea and she was probably right. He had cut his ties with Kerry long ago but part of him wondered if that was one of the reasons why she was lying here.

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At the hospital Gina sat by her bedside she didn't know what to say to Kerry when she came round for it had been so long since they last spoke properly. Would she ask her the most important question 'Why?' or just let her be for a while? In the time she had she realised that Kerry had not intended to kill herself but it was purely a cry for help, after all if she was that adamant on dying she wouldn't have tried to kill herself in a busy station. If it were a cry for help Gina was sure that no sympathy would come from her, after all in her opinion everything that girl put herself through was from her own doing and nobody else's.

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There you go, it's a nice short taster of my Christmas fic. It's not very happy at the moment I know but who knows what the next few chapters will bring I don't even know.

**Will Gina change her mind about what she thinks about Kerry and will Kerry have to face up to her demons.**

**Please review because I have actually written a chapter of my FF, this only happens occasionally!**

**xxx**


	2. Demons

Saviour

**Chapter Two**

**Demons**

Slits of light filled her eyes as she slowly opened them, still dazed by the anaesthetic. She was immense pain both physically and emotionally and to make it worse Gina was sat beside her. As she rolled her head to the side both of them said nothing instead she looked Gina in the eyes and started to cry silent tears. Embarrassed by what she was doing she closed her eyes and faced the other way. As she pulled her hand up to her face she saw the bandage wound round her hand, seeing what she had done to herself dug deep into the pit of her stomach and those silent tears turned into a sea.

"I'll leave you alone" Gina said, tapping Kerry gently on the leg to notify her that she was going.

Kerry's eyes followed her out of the room and once out of the door her gaze fell onto her wrists. Rotating one hand round slowly she carefully undone her bandage; underneath lay a deep wound still bleeding but stitched up. Again she repeated the pattern with the other hand carefully unravelling the bandage avoiding the stitches.

Just then a nurse came in to check her condition, seeing what Kerry had done she fussed around her re-bandaging her hand. She appeared annoyed towards Kerry, which only made her feel worse.

"Your wounds need time to heel, they won't recover if you keep taking the bandages off," She said while writing down on the obs sheet.

Seeing Kerry's face the nurse softened her tone and looked down at Kerry in order to get her attention.

"A midwife will be down soon" She said to her with a wan smile.

Looking confused Kerry asked the one question that sprang to mind,

"Why do I need a midwife, I'm not pregnant".

"Your blood and bodily fluid results have come back and they show that you are. But don't worry I'm sure the baby is ok. Is there anybody you would like me to contact? Boyfriend, Husband?" She asked.

"No" she replied bluntly.

She didn't have a boyfriend, not since Cameron anyway. Her love life was completely doomed since Gabriel stepped foot in her life and now it appeared that because of him the rest of her life was doomed as well. She just wanted a cuddle and to be shown some love, everybody needs to be shown some love throughout his or her life.

The midwife walked into the room while dragging an ultrasound machine in behind her. While setting it up she made small talk to Kerry. She could sense that everyone was dodging the issue of Kerry committing suicide and it annoyed her, why does everyone bury their head in the sand. It was clear that she wasn't going to get the help she needed if the root of the matter wasn't dug up.

The gel hit her stomach and she flinched at its coldness, this felt so weird she thought as she looked at the screen. She couldn't work out what the screen was showing but that suited her, as she had no reason to get emotionally attached to it. She could hear the midwife babbling on about its arms and heart but there was only one thing she was prepared to talk about regarding the 'foetus'.

"And when can I have the foetus aborted?" She asked, without showing any emotion towards the life that was growing inside her womb.

"Having an abortion is a big deal, you need to think it through before you make a decision" the midwife stressed.

"I've made my decision thank you, so if you don't help me get an abortion ill find my own way." Kerry protested.

"I'm going to give you some time to think about it because I think you need to get used to everything." The midwife replied back as she packed away.

As soon as she left the room Kerry looked down at her stomach, remembering the pain and suffering Gabriel had brought to her life she curled her fingers in to make a fist and started hitting her abdomen randomly with all off the strength she could muster.

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Two chapters in one day!! You can tell I've done no coursework today oh well! Enjoy

**xxx**


	3. You saved me

**Saviour**

**Chapter Three**

**You saved me**

The panic button rang through the side ward as Kerry sat there curled in a ball trying to blank out the pain she had caused herself. Little dots of red were beginning to seep through the white cotton sheets that covered the bed and the sight made Kerry wince even more. Rushing into the room in a blind panic came the nurse who had dealt with Kerry before. At first she thought Kerry had taken the bandages off her hands again but the blood appeared to be seeping out lower down her body, seeing Kerry's defenceless face streaming with tears she took action. It was clear to see that Kerry was distressed so in an attempt to calm her down she asked her again if there was anyone she could contact.

This time Kerry replied with an answer,

"The lady who bought me in…. could you call her…please" she pleaded in between bouts of pain.

"Sure" the nurse replied while turning towards a fellow ward sister to ask her to contact Gina.

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Back at Sun Hill Smithy sat perched on Gina's desk; both of them were in deep discussion over Kerry. It appeared to be the number one topic in the station.

"I just don't understand what made her do such a stupid thing" Gina contemplated while pulling a pile of papers from underneath where Smithy was sitting.

"She ain't been herself lately Gina maybe things have happened that we don't know about" No matter what Kerry had done Smithy had always stuck by her, even against Gina.

"I don't know why you bother with her Smithy she doesn't exactly show the respect back to you" Tired of hearing Smithy's endless talk of how Kerry was in fact a good person she told him exactly what she felt on the matter.

"That ain't fair you don't know Kerry like I do" He replied, quite scorned by her latest remark,

Before Gina was able to retort with some crude remark over Kerry and Smithy's relationship he continued.

"All I know is that she can't be in the best frame of mind at the moment so its up to us to make sure she is ok, after all that is our job".

Unfortunately Gina knew that this was true and just acknowledged Smithy's words with a slight nod.

Interrupting the conversation came a loud ring from the telephone answering it Gina looked at Smithy the whole time.

"Inspector Gold…Bloody hell what's she gone and done know…are you sure…ok"

From Gina's tone and remarks he could sense something was up and that it was to do with Kerry, before Gina had a chance to explain herself Smithy shot up out of the chair and attempted to defend his corner.

"If it's to do with Kerry which I'm sure it is then im coming with you to the hospital, I need to speak to her"

"I don't think it's a good idea but if your adamant you want to see her I go in first and talk and you Mr Smith will wait outside. Comprendé?

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Waiting outside Smithy paced up and down so many times the ward sisters looked at him as if he was wearing down the floor. The was no sound from within Kerry's room instead she just sat their silently.

"They said you wanted to see me so I hope you're not wasting everyone's time because im a busy girl" Gina said sharply, she knew Smithy was right and that they should deal with Kerry sensitively but Gina had no time to sit around and be part of Kerry's so called 'games'.

Kerry tried to speak, tried to explain what and had happened but so many emotions and explanations tried to come out at once that nothing could be heard. Instead she just dissolved into tears and did something that shocked Gina deeply.

Holding out both arms it became evident that she was asking Gina to hold her, walking slowly over she took her into an embrace and calmed her down. This rush of new emotions got the better of Kerry and her tears became stronger but appeared differently, they were tears of relief.

"It's ok" Gina said in a somewhat soothing voice.

"I didn't want to die" Kerry cried while biting her pyjama top in an attempt to stop the tears.

"I know" Gina replied, brushing back her hair.

"Thank you ma'am." Kerry said as her tears started to stop.

"What far?" She asked Kerry.

"For saving me"

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**Another chapter done and dusted I have a sneaky suspicion that the next one will be along shortly with a new character appearing very soon in Sun Hill xxxx**


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